


Almost

by stillbangtan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Actually idk if you can really call it fluff sorry, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 04:52:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16612280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillbangtan/pseuds/stillbangtan
Summary: You open your eyes and watch as his slowly open again. "You're the only one," you mimic. "If I had to trade my life just to spend this one moment here with you forever... Kyungsoo I think I'd give up everything for you."





	Almost

You couldn't remember how long this had been going on now, the hidden smiles and secret laughs. You could remember the first time you acknowledged the change in your heartbeat for what it was when he smiled at you. You could remember the first time you realized he felt it too. You could even remember the first night you met him in the rain on a chilly night in September. Your friend Chanyeol brought you back to his place after a night of drinking and one of his roommates made quick work of a cup of cocoa upon seeing your soaked and shivering state. The same roommate you were currently sharing the better part of the right side of the couch with.

Kyungsoo was sitting to your right, an elbow resting on the armrest so he could rest his cheek in the palm of his hand. His right leg was crossed over his left knee and his left hand rested flat against the space between you. He looked entirely disinterested in the movie playing from the large screen across the room but you knew that was his face when he was entirely interested. Too absorbed to notice anything around him, no doubt including your close proximity.

To your left, Chanyeol watched the screen with enthusiasm, eyes wide and elbows resting on his knees in anticipation. You yourself hadn't paid attention to the movie from the beginning, opting to scroll mindlessly through your Tumblr feed for awhile until the moment Kyungsoo had first set his painfully empty hand beside you. Several minutes had passed since then and you were trying to go back to reblogging quotes that you would never use to better yourself but found your eyes repeatedly drifting from your screen to that damn hand.

What even started these feelings? Was it just his smile? Was it the cocoa? Perhaps he'd slipped some sort of love potion in it that just didn't kick in for several months. Or had it? Again, you really couldn't be sure how long these feelings had quietly persisted, unnoticed in your peripherals while your gaze had been focused initially on Chanyeol's childlike grin.

You had your knees pulled to your chest and a blanket wrapped over your legs. It really wouldn't be hard to just... but it was risky. You could make Kyungsoo uncomfortable, or Junmyeon who sat on the floor in front of the two of you to make use of the coffee table while eating a bowl of ramen could suddenly turn and see. Sehun and Baekhyun were sitting on the couch perpendicular to the right of you, so if either of them stood up they'd see and both were liable to make a comment. Sehun would out of annoyance both at the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend and because he wasn't incredibly fond of you. Baekhyun would to tease Kyungsoo.

It really shouldn't be a big deal. Why did you have to hide it anyway? Was there some rule against dating, or was Sehun not the only one viewing you in distaste? You couldn't remember why you'd been hiding and avoiding the feelings as long as you had, but the fact that Kyungsoo did the same did nothing to give you the confidence to change it.

Finally, you locked your phone screen and dropped your hand to the cushion beneath you, tucked safely between your right hip and Kyungsoo's hand. Really, you couldn't be sure if he was even aware of it as engrossed as he was to the TV. You discreetly moved your gaze from the TV to his face, searching for any change in it. There was nothing except eyes focused on the TV that lit his face in the otherwise dim room. You looked back down to your hands, considering pulling yours away when finally it happened. A small movement, possibly meaningless, but a movement nonetheless. His pinky moved slowly out towards your hand, stopping an inch short of contact. You looked back up to his face, brows furrowed as you tried to decide if he was aware of this or not. Thirty seconds passed before his dark irises were trained on you, eyes soft and whispering that he was completely aware. You tried to hide a smile as you stretched your own pinky out, slowly, slowly, slowly until it met with the warmth of his. He moved his pinky to rest over yours, creating the most contact you could receive under the current circumstances, and when you looked back up to his face the corner of his lips were lifted in a discreet smile.

Again, with the hidden smiles.

With a small smile, you look up, heart beating faster only to look directly into Sehun's glaring eyes. He doesn't try to hide the crease in his brows and you watch as his eyes travel down to where yours and Kyungsoo's hands rest together. Thankfully, he can't see past the armrest and Kyungsoo's crossed legs, but he still looks back up to you and scowls. You furrow your brows and look to the TV as he does the same, leaving your actions secret. Always secret.

Several serene minutes pass, the warmth of Kyungsoo's simple gesture flooding through your every nerve. Your eyes are staring at the screen but you couldn't possibly begin to tell someone what was going on in the movie if asked.

"Somebody should order pizza," Jongdae comments from his spot on the other side of Chanyeol. He stands and stretches his arms above his head.

"Shh!" Chanyeol quickly shushes him, arms flailing out to smack at his friend and gaze never leaving the screen. 

Jongdae snaps his head down to look at Chanyeol as if he's offended before putting his chin in the air in indignation. He stalks away toward the kitchen and Jongin quickly jumps from his spot on the third couch to follow him, leaving a lonely Yixing. He barely spared him a glance though before curling into the arm of the couch, resting his chin on it as he was quickly absorbed in the movie again.

Somewhere within the next half-hour, Jongin rushes by the living room, yelling out a quick, "Pizza's here!" and summoning half of the room. Baekhyun was the first one up and much to your dismay Kyungsoo was quick to end the small touch. It was good that way, though, as Sehun had stood up quickly after that and immediately stood in a way to see your hands. He was quick to glare at you because as usual, Sehun knew without evidence about you and Kyungsoo. Junmyeon had stood after that, shooting you a dazzling smile then stretching and taking his empty bowl to the kitchen.

You didn't have to be touching him all the time, but every second you were near him and not touching him was a slap to the face, a harsh reminder that even if in both of your minds you were each others, it simply wasn't reality. The thought weighs heavy on you as you watch him stand and follow the others to food. When you turn back around, Yixing has turned his attention from the TV to you, an eyebrow raised slightly. His arms are still curled up as a prop on the armrest for his chin. You try to smile but it comes off as a frown, you're sure. A few seconds pass before Yixing rises from his comfortable position and slinks away.

The credits roll less than five minutes after the food announcement and Chanyeol turns to you with huge eyes. A small grin adorns his features and you can't help but smile at how adorable he looks. His hands wrap around your wrists. "That was great! Did you like it? Oh man, I couldn't stop watching."

Kyungsoo's soft features fill your mind, the way you stared at his empty hand and imagined your own there instead of watching the movie your friend had put on.

"The beginning was slow and everyone was convinced it wasn't going to be good but I'm really glad I stuck through it," he continued, excited eyes flitting back to the screen. You wonder if that could be applied to whatever was happening between you and Kyungsoo. Maybe this was just a slow and dull beginning but the wait would be worth it. You think you might wait a thousand years if you ever had that many. 

When Chanyeol stands from the couch, he keeps a hand on your wrist and helps you to your feet. Jongin is quick to hand a plate to you and as you search around you find Kyungsoo leaned against the counter in one corner of the room, eyes already on you. He slowly chews the bite he'd already taken and when he goes for another, he moves his gaze from you and doesn't look again. 

Minseok found his way to the group not too long after everyone had made at least one trip to the kitchen table where the pizza boxes were. You weren't paying attention to whatever conversation was happening among them. You were stealing glances and bites of pizza. Kyungsoo may have bad eyesight but he was never blind to the connection between you. He always knew when you were watching him, wanting him, waiting for him.

You'd gone to the bathroom and just finished washing your hands, shaking them in the air as if that was more efficient than the hand-towel you'd already used. You stopped in the hallway. You could go back out where everyone was, or you could just go lay down. Sleep, cuddle up in the blankets, pretend you aren't alone.

As you ponder this, faltering outside of Jongin and Kyungsoo's room, Kyungsoo himself turns the corner and walks until he's stood across from you. Both of you stand with your backs to the wall, or a door in your case.

"Did you like the movie?" you finally ask.

"I did. Were you able to find interest in it?"

You bite the inside of your cheek and shake your head. You're sure he already knows you were only interested in him at that point, but even a mundane conversation such as this one was preferable to the silence. It was easy to write off coming across people talking in a hallway, less easy if they were simply staring at each other. Though you would have been okay with that too.

For a moment you wonder if the thousand years of waiting has just begun. Neither of you talk. You can't think of anything to say. Being in his presence, knowing he's looking at you and feeling the very same thing as you, is enough.

His eyebrows crease over his large eyes and the distance between you disappears as his arms wrap around you. Your face is against his shoulder and your eyes instantly flutter closed as your fingers claw into the fabric at the back of his shirt like your life depended on it, like he could disappear at any moment. Really, he could.

"K-Kyungsoo," you whisper, nuzzling your cheek against his shirt. Your eyes remain shut. You want to focus on the feeling of it in hopes you can always remember it, physically and emotionally. There wasn't a door behind you or a floor beneath you or a kitchen full of boys chattering less than twenty feet away. All there is, is you in Kyungsoo's arms and he in yours. His face rests above your shoulder and when he turns his head toward you his lips brush your cheek. He doesn't kiss you, though.

"You looked like you were about to cry." Every part of you felt like it was breaking when you felt his fingers leaving your hair and his other hand sliding from your upper back down your arm until both of your hands rested in his. "I don't want you to."

You were already playing a risky game by hugging each other. It was an unspoken things that both of you tried to keep physical contact to a bare minimum most days, because the longer you stared the more you wanted to touch, and the more you touched the harder it was to stop.

"Kyungsoo," you say again, barely louder than before. His expression doesn't change as he watches you and waits for what you have to say. It's hard to talk when your hands are in his and all you can think about is how you should be closer. "Why do we do this to ourselves?"

He steps closer again, moving so both your hands are between each others chests. "I know I should leave you be," he says quietly, pulling your hand against his chest. You feel how strong his heartbeat is, how steady it is, "but it's so hard when I feel so at peace in your presence." He slowly leans in and your eyes start to close, but it's too much. You can't do it because if you start you can never stop. You twist the knob behind you and fall through the doorway. Kyungsoo is quick to catch you and nudge the door closed behind him with his foot. "You're a mess," he comments lowly, lips turning up at the corners as he admires you. You're still dangling in his grasp, brows knitted together. 

You stand up straight and step away from him, grabbing his wrist to pull him with you to the queen-sized mattress in the corner. It was Jongin's bed, but you'd used it many times to rest when he wasn't in it. He was also the only person who knew about the secret exchanges you and Kyungsoo shared. He'd walked in on one of the unfortunate times you'd almost lost control, almost allowed yourself to feel Kyungsoo's lips against yours.

The two of you climb onto the mattress and you immediately turn so your back is to him. He pulls the covers over both of you and scoots over to you, wrapping his arms around you. His body molds behind yours, his face nuzzled so the tip of his nose and his lips touch the back of your head. You find his hand draped across your stomach and lace your fingers with his. 

It's a bad idea, both of you know, but how can you possibly deprive yourself of this feeling forever? You always needed it, just one more time, but one more time was never enough.

Your heart beats steadily under his hold. You knew what he meant about feeling peaceful with you because you felt the same. You stare at the closed door. It's not locked, but nobody besides Jongin would be walking through it and he wasn't going to repeat anything he found in here. With a surge of confidence, you turn so you're facing him. He slowly opens his eyes and you can tell he had almost been asleep. You wrap one hand around one of his and lay your head on it. Naturally, his fingers curl slowly so they run through the strands of your hair. Your heart-rate increases with your breathing and you're barely aware but you know you've opened your mouth. No sound comes out, but your lips remain parted.

He murmurs your name so softly, with so much love and adoration in such a quiet word, that your heart clenches and you feel like you could cry all over again. You don't. Instead, you find your free hand slowly creeping across the small stretch of mattress between your bodies. When you reach his abdomen, you move your hand to his side and trail up, up, up until it cups his jaw. Softly, the way he'd uttered your name. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips and of its own accord your thumb swipes gently down to caress his lower lip.

"Kyungsoo," you say, voice barely above a whisper. You stare a moment longer at his mouth, the way his lips have parted as he watches you. His breathing is slightly faster than it was, both of you in a daze. You look back into his eyes and you swear he stops breathing for a second. "You're the only one."

In movies you've always seen it happen so fast. Even in books there was always the "it happened so fast" line. But nothing about this moment was fast. You felt and experienced every inch and millisecond. His fingers tighten with yours beneath your head while his free hand makes the same journey yours had, coming to rest on the side of your neck. Slowly, as if you were an animal that would be spooked, he leans towards you and you both let your eyes flutter closed at the same time. Your faces are centimeters apart and you inhale sharply at the prospect of finally knowing what it's like to kiss him.

"Tell me again," he says, voice light and quiet and in love.

You open your eyes and watch as his slowly open again. "You're the only one," you mimic. "If I had to trade my life just to spend this one moment here with you forever... Kyungsoo I think I'd give up everything for you."

He inhales deeply and closes his eyes, bringing his face impossibly close to yours. Your name leaves his mouth in a sigh. He tilts his head slightly. Your lips are a centimeter away from touching. You close your eyes, resigned to abandoning everything else. You would kiss him. You would love him.

Just before your lips meet, you shoot up in bed. Your chest is rising and falling rapidly as you struggle to even your breathing. In confusion, you glance around your apartment bedroom.

 _Just a dream_ , you tell yourself. _Just a dream. D.O is a K-pop idol. Of course he wouldn't have feelings for you. He doesn't even know who you are-_

"Hey," a groggy voice calls from beside you. They stretch one hand out to grasp your forearm. He sits up, red hair sticking out in odd angles from sleep. "Are you okay? Baby, it was just a dream." One of his hands makes it's way to your lower back where he comfortingly rubs it for a moment before sitting up. Chanyeol's tired eyes stare into your own. "Lay back down," he mumbles, wrapping both arms around you and pulling you down with him.

No. It wasn't a dream because D.O didn't know you existed. It was a dream because he had feelings for you too, and you weren't Chanyeol's fuckbuddy. Sehun wasn't passed out drunk on your couch and god damn it Kyungsoo loved you!

It all felt too real though. Real enough that you'd accepted that your relationship with Chanyeol was platonic and he really was your best friend, not just someone you texted when you were horny or in need of a distraction. Real enough to make you forget you knew EXO at all. How could you be trapped in a reality with a Kyungsoo who didn't love you? It made sense why Sehun hated you in the dream now though, and why you'd had to hide your relationship with Kyungsoo.

You turn over and let yourself fit against Chanyeol's body, the way you just had in your dream with someone else. You don't sleep though, for fear of sleeping in one mans arms while dreaming of another. It was almost humorous, comparing that moment to the dream. You'd almost cried in the dream when he'd held you because you were so happy. Now, a lone tear falls down your cheek to the pillow because the man you love isn't the one holding you at night.

**Author's Note:**

> So I had the thought, the dream could be something of the past meaning they never made the extra step after all, or my friend Brinnie suggested it could be a glimpse of the future, so good things to come. I would like to say I write angst and she writes fluff and our views on the dream just really displayed that... Anyway. I changed a few words around so you can imagine it as whichever you like. Either it's a thing of the past, meaning her and Chanyeol really did used to be best friends and she was in love with Kyungsoo, but nothing ever came of that and eventually she turned to Chanyeol for MORE comfort. Or it's a thing of the future, meaning things aren't great right now, but they'll get better kind of? Assuming one of them makes a move? Okay you guys do your thing.


End file.
